Bitter Congratualtions

FB_IMG_1455469104587This Valentine’s Day, I’m happy to report I’m in a healthy, loving relationship. But it took a lot of bad experiences to get here.
For A.F. Stuart’s Bloody Valentine Horror Event, I’m going to share an old poem, on the theme of Bad Love. Taken from my latest book, The Love Poems, here is one I call Bitter Congratulations:

I have a lot of reasons to still be bitter against you
As far as I see it
You did a lot of wrong to me
No matter how much you try and deny it
But one thing that boils my blood
Causes anger for myself to rise up in my chest
More so than fury for you
Is that you dug a little too deeply
So far I can’t scratch you out
Your name is hidden in crevices in my soul
Never to be spoken about
Never acknowledged in the light of day
Yet still there To slip out in the most private moments
On the tip of my tongue
At the pinnacle of losing control
It comes out
Those two little syllables
Riding the crest of the wave of my ecstasy
Tarnishing it
Like you tarnished my life
Congratulations
You’ve ruined me

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A. U.

I wish I could know what it’s like
To live a life, in which:
My parents loved each other
And my siblings were not strangers
Where people didn’t shoot other people in the streets
While yet more people shrugged and denied there was a problem
I wish I could know a world
Where bad things didn’t happen
But it eases my soul, a little
To know that I’m not alone anymore
And that I don’t have to face any of life’s harsh realities without you
I’m glad to know our children
(Whether they be human or feline)
Will have certainty of their parent’s love
And that they will, at least, see some good in the world
For all the badness, I’ve got just enough hope to get me through

Beyond

I am beyond anger, and beyond grief
Not beyond shock
For every time I find a limit, the world breaks through again
With no care, or gentleness
No shame, in its guilt

I am beyond wanting to be on this planet
Beyond wanting to share it, with people who can do such vile things
And yet for more people to defend them
And their crimes
And call it right

Dedicated to the injustice that Michael Brown has been dealt. 

Monsters #CoffinHop

I still get chills in the dead of night
I still get scared of the dark, sometimes
You promised that you’d hold me tight
To keep me safe from monsters

Monsters that roam the streets
And are more men than myth
The ones that hold my mind under siege
Make me toss and turn – Hide under sheets

Your sheets were safe, or so it seemed
Bully for you, making me a fool
I never would’ve guessed they’d be your mask
And you’d be the greatest monster of all

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Fingers

Your middle and index digits
On your right hand
The fingers with which you hold your cigarette

The same fingers
You slid inside my flesh
Between my thighs, to claim my body

The same fingers you extended
In a salute to all the things you hate in this world

The thumb of your right hand
That you used to brush away my stray tears
And wipe sauce from my chin
To then place in my mouth, to suck
And bite on

Every keystroke so intimate
Everything you do
All the little actions with your hands
Speak volumes
About the person mapped out in your fingerprint

Your DNA is in your touch
And now you’re gone
My skin aches for it